As of last week, I have resided in Japan for 5 complete years.
I decided to write out how I felt, but apart from repeating in caps I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH YET BECOME MORE STUPID HOW CAN THIS BE? I have no real idea how to go about considering this.
In The Beginning
My presumptions about this country left a long time ago. I used to look with horror upon the veteran expatriates who lived here and continuously complained about the ‘real’ quality of life.
I assumed they just didn’t get it, mainly because I was a cocksure idiot, who had just arrived here with a suitcase carrying all of my belongings, so I had to be sure enough that I could live here, otherwise what the hell was I doing?
The Middle
A repressed society overall, I have learnt that I like to be more open. As a hardworking society it’s taught me that working long hours can earn you respect, but learning how to work more efficiently will keep me happy.
I could sit here spouting off all the ways I think Japan needs to change, but the only person I really have a right to aim that at is myself. And I feel like I have changed. I’ve become more studious and focused, stronger and independent. I listen more. I put time and love into my relationships because I have a greater understanding of the value of the people around me. This has not come easily, and with a certain amount of humility.
Also, without even knowing if it’s possible — I love food more.
The End
I have experienced all emotions I am currently capable of here. Once you move far away enough and go through the same problems, trials and errors, you realize that life is — at least at it’s core — the same everywhere.
From losing friends back home, breaking up with lovers to changing careers, I have only ever grieved the loss of familiarity and comfort.
I’m very lucky to have friendships that have endured through this period. If you haven’t wanted to strangle me at some point then you probably don’t know me very well and there is nothing wrong with that. Knowing someone well takes a strong stomach.
I walk towards the next chapter less cocksure and capricious. But with a fire in my belly that has never quite been extinguished.
